you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
