Pappa wants mamma naked
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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