put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
