dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
