Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
