I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
