the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
