the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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