I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
