when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
