True but thats because hes a fetus.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
