Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
