Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
