We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
