i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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