guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
being pregnant is like rehab
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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