just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
