i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
