I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
