my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
