I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
