how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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