I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Mom said you looked used
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
