One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
