p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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