what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
