nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
