If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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