i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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