I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
