So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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