I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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