SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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