i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
