Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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