It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
