I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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