I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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