whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
