His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
