tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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