His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
