Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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