i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How does one acquire holy water?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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