I will die if light touches me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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