Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
