i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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