I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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