sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
