i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
