You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
