I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
