for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
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He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
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If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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