i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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