I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize