shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
