how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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