he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
