Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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