I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
