Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
