it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
