Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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