The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize