i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
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I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Pants are for mortals
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!