Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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