brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
