dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
