Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
