I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Houston, we have a squirter
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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