he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
