You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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