Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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