btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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