You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
